I have felt many feelings today

If any of y'all follow me on Goodreads, then you'll have noticed that I've been reading a particular series by Liz Curtis Higgs.

The first three books, Thorn in my heart, Fair is the rose, and Whence came a prince, are a retelling of "Jacob and Esau" and "Leah and Rachel".

I am positive that a certain character, who shall remain unnamed due to spoilers or the fact that I'll not have his name sullying my blog, has no heart, whatsoever. *angry yells*

The feelings I felt reading those three books are as follows:

Aww, poor big brother! *narrows eyes at little brother* You had no right...

Ack! I didn't mean for you to threaten to kill him! *reproofs big brother* Run little brother!

Oh come on! Give a guy a break already.

Finally, he's at his destination!

Something's not right about you...*squints at unnamed character* I don't like the way you think.

Oh good! A wedding! I love weddings, drinks all 'round!

What!? You were to prideful to wait for her?! I do not see this going well.

Ok, I knew this was coming, but seriously!?

*Yells at author*

*Yells at a female main character* YOU! WHAT DID YOU DO?!!?!? I HAD SUCH GREAT HOPES FOR YOU, THEN YOU RUINED THEM!

*Yells at unnamed character* YOU ARE BEYOND FORGIVENESS. You're the most hateful relative little brother has! You are horrible to your daughters, and I will not stand this!

I am in dire need of some chocolate and tea at this moment.

Ok, you sort of got that cleaned up a bit, can I please enjoy the rest of the book?

Poor other main female character! *mentally gives her a hug*

Okay then... We'll see how that goes for you.

Awww...! Female main character, I completely overlooked your loving and sweet self, I am so so sorry about that outburst a few chapters back. Please, be a good wife to little brother, make him happy, he really needs you!

Little brother, you are married to her older sister, please treat younger sister as your sister-in-law, rather than a potential bride.

Unnamed character, I certainly hope you're happy now that you've completely ruined several lives. *glares*

Yay! A baby is coming! I'm so happy for you, older sister!

WHAT!? NOOOOOOOO!!!! This can't be happening! It's not older sister's fault, people! It's all unnamed character's fault, he's the heartless beast in the wrong!

Nonononononono! This is bad, this is very very bad!

Ugggg! Seriously? And just when he started to return her love!

Why is everyone taking their anger out on younger sister?

*sobs*

Book two kinda when by in a blur...

Older sister had a baby!

Well.... at least they're all together again...

When can little brother go home?

Will unnamed character ever be nice for a change?

Ok then. Well. I hope you're happy with your new wife, unnamed character. And the money that came with her...

Oh good! Little brother can go home now!

Good, both sisters are going with him.

Wait a minute, if older sister is pregnant, and has been for about 4 months, does that mean that everything's going to be ok with the baby? Because technically, it was conceived while they were still 'married', I'm confused.

Younger sister is pregnant too? Oh great.

Ooo...That's not good.

It's getting worse!

Please don't die!

Aaaaannnnddd she's gone. Snap. Well. This stinks.

*sobs*

They're home! Yay!

Oh good! Big brother's temper has cooled, and everything's great.

Or not.

Not another death!

*sobs*

Father takes command.

Yay! Little brother and older sister are getting married again!

Well, that was fast. Y'all almost missed it.

It's a girl! Yay!

So, that was the first three books.



The fourth book, Grace in Thine eyes, basically followed the story of Jacob's only daughter, and a certain foreign guy. Yeah.

Oh wait, is this...? Great. I just wanted a nice calming book that wrapped up any loose ends the first three left out. *sighs*

Let's get this over with, because if I don't read it, It'll nag me forever.

Well, this isn't so bad. *settles down*

Eesh. Pugnacious much?

Right. Send 'em off to school. That'll fix everything. You might try actually talking to them.

Send her off to an island with distant relatives for the summer? Ok then.

I can hear the music!

Oh no! I see where this is going!

Leave her be, please don't write down what I know is gonna happen!

Nonononono!

Oh no he didn't!

Urg! See, I knew it!

Poor daughter!

Yeah, he better apologize! *glares* *mentally tries to strangle him*

*angry tears*

Shoot him!

You better marry her now.

Oh, you're gonna try to woo her first? Be prepared for the angry-younger-brother attack, since they found out about it.

Oh good, she's forgiven him and accepted his proposal! You don't deserve her though. *narrows eyes*

At least try to be civil to him, after all, he is your older sister's fiancé, the least you can do is not kill him.

Rock climbing? In this weather? Right. And his dad is going with y'all? Mkay.

Save dad! "Grab my boot!" I see how that's gonna work. Nope, too late.

At least save him! Mmmm.... and nope.

Do me a favor, and don't be dead.

Never mind, I just remembered how much I dislike you.

*sobs* Poor daughter! *mentally gives her a hug*. At least your Mom was able to comfort you!

Right, banish your sons back to school with no breaks for holidays.

Guys, seriously, it's not her fault!

Oh good! Other guy who worships you from afar is still in love with you!

Your trust is slowing growing, that's always a good sign.

You're opening up to other guy now, that's great.

Ohhh! You're playing music again! Yay!

I feel your sorrow.

Awe! She's decided to consider other guy's proposal!

And that's it?

What do I do now?!




All that is to say, these books have taken me on an exhausting roller-coaster of emotions.

She actually wrote the books with a Scottish accent! I've been thinking in it for days now! And barely stopping myself from using words such as "ken", "dinna", "fash", "canna", "stane", "wouldna" and if auto correct would please stop trying to correct me, that'd be great.

I've handed the series off to Lydia, I hope she likes it as much as I loved it!

That was rather long, wasn't it? Oh well.


The end.








Why are you still here?

Are there supposed to be more words somewhere?

Well, I can't please everyone...

You should read those books, by the way.

Despite all my "urg's" and "no's" they really are quite good.

The author has this curse strange gift of writing in such a way as to make you love one person one minute, then hate them the next.

Okay, this time I'm done.

~Chloe

Comments

  1. Oooh, this series looks really good!! I love retellings! She wrote them with a scottish accent?! Ok, now I have to read them, because I am working on my scottish accent..... And no, I don't think this post was to long, it was funny.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Haha! As you know, I was intrigued by your Goodreads fast-reading of them;) This post was hilarious, and I would like to read these now...except for all the feels that'll apparently be forthcoming:'(

    ReplyDelete
  3. Haha! This was great. I needed a good chuckle. :) And now I want to read these books.

    ReplyDelete

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